


No goodbye

by IdontlikeIobsess



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: But then he's sorry, Derek is an asshole, Derek left Beacon Hills four years ago, First Time, He left Stiles, LoveinNewYork, M/M, Return to Beacon Hills, Reunion, Scott is the best friend ever, Slow Build, writer!stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 06:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1294744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdontlikeIobsess/pseuds/IdontlikeIobsess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles moved to New York after his first book, No Goodbye, became succesful. When he sees Derek in the City after four years, he thinks he's hallucinating.</p><p>But he's really not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like the story! I apologize for any typos (I hate them!)

Stiles leaves his apartment in Lower East Side and automatically looks at the sky, bright blue with a few white and puffy clouds here and there. New York is always the same. New York is safe, without werewolves and lizards and only- God- knows- what other evil creatures. It still seems weird to Stiles that his first thought in the morning is always about Beacon Hills, but he can’t help it. The contrast is so obvious, so clear, that every morning he sighs in relief and compliments himself for choosing such a big city, where all the bad memories are washed away by the endless movement of the people around him.

He goes towards Central Park and starts his morning routine, a long run followed by some push ups. If only his old Coach could see him now. Stiles was so clumsy in high school that he still asks himself how he even made it to the lacrosse team. But now, at twenty three, his body is strong and thin, with muscles in all the right places. His hair is longer and softer, because now he actually has to take care of himself. How couldn’t he? Stiles is always in the spotlight and his face is basically in every magazine, all because of  the book that he started writing just before the end of collage, _“No goodbye”,_ and that he was lucky enough to publish.

By the time he finishes his morning run he is breathing hard and his knees are weak, so he walks back home for a shower.  He has an appointment with Lydia, his agent, later that day and he wants to look acceptable. Stiles has insisted on meeting at the pub where he often goes with Isaac, and Lydia has accepted only because she knows how much Stiles hates meeting in her office. The afternoon passes slowly and Stiles is only ten minutes late when he walks in the pub to find Lydia at one of the tables near the big window.

“Ehy, Lydia” says Stiles “Sorry I’m late”

“Don’t worry, honey” says the girl “ I like this place, we can call Isaac when we’re done”

“Sounds good” says Stiles “I’m sure he’s already out somewhere else”

They spend a good hour talking about the conference Stiles is going to attend in a few weeks, how he is supposed to present the book and how everyone expect him to sign all the copies available. “Ugh, I hate signing the books. My hand is going to hurt for a week”

“Yeah, I know. But this is your first big public appearance and you need to be perfect”

“Don’t worry, everyone’s gonna love me” says Stiles “I’m going outside to call Isaac, I can’t hear anything in here”

Lydia smiles and nods as Stiles makes his way out of the pub and starts typing Isaac’s phone number. “Ehiiii, Stiles” says Isaac “What’s up? Where are you?”

“You’re already drunk?” asks Stiles, shaking his head. Isaac is hopeless.

“ ‘Course not. I just had a few beers”

“I’m with Lydia at the pub near my apartment. Want to join us?”

 “Oh, Lydia’s a lot of fun. I’ll be there in ten minutes”

Stiles smiles and hangs up, thinking that Isaac and Lydia would make a beautiful but weird couple, when he sees a familiar face right in front of him. It takes Stiles a few seconds to actually recognize him because, well, it’s been years since the last time he saw those beautiful eyes and those strong eyebrows. But then it hits him, hard.

It’s Derek and Stiles is suddenly eighteen again, small and skinny and stupidly in love with him. His first instinct is to hug and kiss him, because he’s still _so_ beautiful,  but then he remembers that he should hate Derek with all his heart. _He left his pack without an explanation. He left me!,_ he thinks,and now Stiles wants to punch him  hard, even if he’s a werewolf. He doesn’t care. Derek sees him and stops in his tracks, his mouth open in disbelief. They stare at each other for a while and they both know that the first to break the silence will be Stiles, because he’s just like that, he can’t stay quiet for more than ten seconds.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to say anything to me. After all these years”

Derek takes a step back, surprised by Stiles’ harsh tone, and he shivers because the last time he has heard Stiles’ voice it was soft and sweet while now is deep and full of hate. Stiles takes a step forward, his eyes wild and his hair messy, and shoves Derek right in the chest even if he knows that he won’t move.

“Really? You’re not going to talk? You could at least apologize!” Stiles is nearly shouting and Derek is still speechless “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I don’t care about you, not anymore. I don’t wanna hear your voice or your excuses. Go away”

Derek blinks once and opens his mouth to say something, but Stiles is staring at him as if he wants to kill him so he decides is better not to talk. “I came to New York to forget you, and you think is okay to show up here? You can’t ruin this city too, Derek. Just, go away”

And Derek does go away, he actually disappears in the crowd gathered outside the pub and suddenly Stiles’ eyes are aching, trying to hold back the tears. He feels an old but familiar pain at the very centre of his heart and his stomach clenches in a tight knot. New York isn’t safe anymore.

“Ehy, Stiles” someone is calling him but he can’t pay attention. He is shocked and isn’t able to move, his eyes still searching Derek in the crowd “Stiles, are you okay?” Stiles finally focuses on Isaac, who is already holding a beer in one hand, the other firm on Stiles’ shoulder, shaking him from his memories.

“Isaac. I can’t believe what I’m going to say, but I just saw Derek”

Isaac gasps and looks at him in disbelief. “Derek? As in Derek Hale?”

“Yes! It was him, I swear. _Oh my god_ , it was really him”

“Why did he left?”

“I told him to” admits Stiles, and Isaac’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Stiles, we could have talked to him. We finally could have heard his version of the story”

“There’s only one version. He left us, this is all. I don’t wanna talk about him anymore”

Isaac sighs and shakes his head “Well, there’s only one thing that can help. More beer!”

And Stiles drinks until Derek’s face vanishes from his head, leaving an uncomfortable space in his thoughts.

 

***

The next morning Stiles wakes up with a terrible headache, but his brain seems perfectly capable of thinking about Derek once again. His face reappears in Stiles’ thoughts and he wishes there could be a way to erase all his memories from his head. Stiles feels horrible and incredibly tired from the night before, but he’s not going to give up on his morning routine. Central Park is waiting for him and he’s not going to miss the appointment.

Thirty minutes later he’s running fast, faster than usual because he wants to feel so tired to not be able to think about Derek. He runs and runs until he reaches a section of the park he has never visited before and then starts to walk. He’s exhausted and can feel his lungs searching for air and his heart pounding in his chest.

His head feels fuzzy and when he sees Derek on one of the benches, his first thought is that he’s hallucinating. It can’t be Derek, but he definitely is. Stiles searches frantically for a place to  hide but there are only low  and useless bushes. _He’s reading, maybe I can turn around and go away without being seen_ , Stiles thinks, but as if Derek has heard his brain working, he lifts his head and their eyes meet for the second time in two days. After all those years, the eye contact nearly breaks Stiles.

He stares at Derek for a second and then turns back, walking towards his usual route. “Stiles, wait!” says Derek, but Stiles just wants to keep walking because if he stops he could actually punch Derek again. Even if his hand still hurts from last night.

“Stiles, stop”

“I’m not a teenager anymore, Derek. I won’t follow your orders like I used to”

“Just give me five minutes to talk”

“You could have talked last night, when you were supposed to”

“Well, _someone_ didn’t give me the time”

“Uhm, yeah, but you could have tried”

“I was in shock” says Derek, and Stiles turns to face him because he has never seen Derek Hale in shock, not even when their life was in danger. He always knew what to do. Stiles tries to recover and answer without babbling.

 “I’m a very busy man, you know? Not everyone is lucky enough to spend the last four years on holiday. So, if you want to talk to me, you have to walk”

Derek sighs and Stiles is sure he has just rolled his eyes. “Fine” says Derek “You look exhausted”

“None of your business”

“Ok, look...” starts Derek, but then he stops, unable to continue.

“Really? You’re not going to apologize? Why am I even surprised? Derek Hale never apologizes even if he’s a big, fat-”

“I had my reasons to leave”

“Sure!” says Stiles, and now he’s walking faster because he is so angry he feels he can walk back to Beacon Hills “Very valid reasons, I hope. Because, you know, we all wondered _where the fuck_ did you go when you disappeared. _Maybe he’ll came back next week_ , I kept saying, but then a week became a month and a month became a year and year-”

“Stiles, stop!” and this time Stiles stills because he’s tired, not physically but emotionally, and he can’t walk anymore. “Give me more time to explain. Please”

 “Now you want to explain? What about all the years when we thought you were dead?” Stiles remembers the first year after Derek’s disappearance, and the bad memories are still there, fresh and clear.

“When I saw you yesterday...” starts Derek “Your eyes-”

“What? What about my eyes?”

“They were so angry and sad and confused and disappointed” explains Derek “All because of me. Please, let me explain” Derek stops talking and takes a deep breath, like he had to use all of his strength to say those words.

Stiles is taken aback by what Derek has just said. He hears a weak _okay_ escaping from his mouth and he wants to punch himself. How is he following Derek’s request? _You’re supposed to hate him,_ he thinks _._ Yeah, but he’s still Derek Hale, Stiles’ first love (or well, second, but his love for Lydia was unrequited), still handsome, still grumpy, still perfect. When Stiles talks again, his eighteen years old inner self has taken control over him.

“I run in Central Park every morning. If you want to talk, meet me tomorrow at eight o’clock right here. Bye, Derek” and then he is walking, _running_ , again and Derek doesn’t follow him. He’s already thinking about what he’s going to say to Stiles, how he’s going to explain how much he has missed him during all these years, how he’s going to make Stiles understand that he has never thought about anybody else.

 

**

Eight o’clock in the morning can’t come soon enough for Stiles, so he leaves his apartment an hour earlier and he just sits on the bench, waiting for Derek to arrive, thinking about what he’s gonna say to him. He wants Derek to feel sorry, he wants him to feel like Stiles has felt for all these years, empty and meaningless. But when he sees Derek walking towards him  with a shy smile on his face, all of his bad intentions disappear. He’s wearing a tank top and shorts, ready to run with Stiles. He is so beautiful that Stiles asks himself how he hasn’t gone crazy without him. Or maybe _he is_ crazy, just because he has accepted to talk to Derek again.

“ ‘Morning” says Derek “Ready to walk?”

“Please don’t act all nice to me, I know you” says Stiles “And who said we’re gonna walk? I’m going to run, I don’t know if you can keep up”

Derek snorts and looks at him for a few seconds. “No problem. I can run pretty fast, as you know”

“Yeah, try without your werewolf powers”

“Deal” says Derek.

They run through Central Park for an hour and Stiles tries to focus on the trees around him, the squirrels on the grass, every single person they pass during their training, everything but Derek panting next to him. He’s so hot that Stiles has to control himself because all he wants is to touch him.“You’re in good shape” says Derek, and Stiles can feel his chest lifting with pride.

“I exercise every day”

“It must be hard for you”

“What? Why?”

“I know you hate running”

“Yeah, but I don’t hate running in Central Park. Don’t talk to me, I need every ounce of air available”

Derek laughs and Stiles remembers the first time he has actually heard that sound. Suddenly Central Park is Beacon Hills’ woods during the summer, hot and full of sounds. Stiles is with Scott, Boyd and Isaac and they’re following Derek to his family’s old house.

_“Why are we here? This place is creepy” says Stiles, and Derek shots him a nasty look._

_“We need a safe place to train, Stiles” says Scott “Derek insists we need a stronger body if we want to beat the Alpha pack”_

_“Yeah, as if we had any chances” says Isaac._

_“You know what, Isaac? Your negativity isn’t really necessary” says Stiles and he clearly hears Derek’s soft laugh behind him. When he turns to check, Derek is serious again and Isaac is staring at him with an annoyed look._

_“Are you going to train with us, Stiles?” asks Boyd._

_“ ‘Course not. I’ll enjoy the view of the three of you sweating under the sun”_

_“Why this doesn’t surprise me?” says Derek and now Stiles can clearly see a little smile on his lips._

Stiles snaps back to reality and he can’t feel his legs anymore. He’s panting hard and his heart is going to explode at any second. “Derek, I need to stop” he says and puts a hand on his knee, trying to breathe normally.

Derek stops next to him and starts stretching his legs. “You should stretch, too. Your legs won’t hurt so much later”

“I know how to exercise, thank you” says Stiles, but he doesn’t do what Derek has just said. Instead, he sits on a bench and waits for his heart to return to a slower rhythm.

“I left Beacon Hills because Boyd’s death was my fault” says Derek, and Stiles’ heart starts racing again “I couldn’t bear to look at Erica or to see Boyd’s family at his funeral. I had to go”

Stiles’ mouth falls open. “Whoa. You can’t just say  stuff like this while I’m trying to recover” says Stiles, but then he adds “Why didn’t you say anything to anyone? To me?”

“I thought everyone hated me. I thought _you_ hated me” explains Derek “And when I finally left- when I left, everything became so easy. No more blood, no more battles, no more deaths. I thought about coming back, but I wasn’t ready, I’m still not ready”

“So you left us with Peter? What a brilliant idea, Derek” says Stiles, but his eyes can’t stop looking at Derek’s sad face.

“I knew Scott was more powerful than he thought and I asked Peter to protect all of you from any danger”

“Well, he saved my life once, but apart from that...” Stiles trails off, because he doesn’t know what to say. “No one has ever blamed you for Boyd’s death. We all saw what happened” he whispers and he knows that Derek can hear him. “ But- let’s be honest- I blamed you for leaving me behind. I hated you, and maybe I still do”

“Stiles, I didn’t want you to leave Beacon Hills for me. I didn’t want you to share my guilt. But... leaving Beacon Hills without saying goodbye to you?  Was the hardest thing I’ve ever done”

“Yeah, sure” says Stiles “It’s easy now, you weren’t there when I needed you, four years ago. I looked for you, Derek. I even tried to corrupt Peter, I thought that would be easy”

“He didn’t know where I was”

“Yeah, I’ve already figured that out”

They stay silent for a while and eventually Stiles speaks again because- _fuck_ \- Derek is right there and he’s not going to send him away so soon.

“So, when you’re gonna leave New York?” asks Stiles. He has a feeling that Derek never stayed in the same place for long and he thinks that New York is only the last stop of his endless trip.

“Who says I’m leaving?” says Derek “Actually, I’ve already booked a hotel room”

“Are you serious?”says Stiles. New York was his safe place, and now it isn’t anymore. Sure, it’s bigger and more crowded than Beacon Hills, but the result is the same. He just can’t run away from his past, from Derek.

“Sure”

 “Well, I hope New York will treat you well” says Stiles as he stands up to leave “Not everyone can live here”

“Actually, I was thinking...”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“I hate you. You still have a hard time actually talking to people. _Talking to me_ ”

“You know you’re the only person who can make me talk like this”, and Stiles blushes because it’s the truth. Derek never answers with more than three words to strangers and even to Scott and Isaac he was pretty cryptic. “Well, if you don’t have nothing else to say... See you around, I guess”

“No! Stiles, wait” Derek grabs Stiles’ hand and the boy finds himself just a few inches away from Derek’s chest. He smells like grass and freedom and sweat and Stiles is not breathing anymore because- _Jesus_ \- he has never wanted anyone more than Derek in his entire life and now he’s right there but he can’t have him. Stiles finds enough strength to pull away from him and he eyes him shyly, waiting for Derek to talk.

“I want to see you again”

“Uhm, not sure this is a good idea, man” says Stiles “I mean, I don’t want to eat my dinner alone in case you decide to disappear again”

“Are you asking me to have dinner together? At your place?”

“What? No! I mean- yes, maybe” says Stiles “I have to check my busy agenda”

Stiles pretends to check his phone and Derek rolls his eyes. “You know, as I said before, my life’s pretty busy at the moment but... yeah, I guess I can find time for you. How about tomorrow night?

“Why not tonight?” asks Derek.

“You survived four years without me, I’m sure you can wait another day”

Derek snorts like he used to do all the time when they were together in Beacon Hills, mostly because of Stiles. He smiles at the memory but still decides to make Derek wait for him. “I’m busy tonight, I have to meet with Lydia. She’s my agent now” His voice comes out apologetic and Stiles wants to punch himself because technically he is still mad at Derek.

 _Yeah, sure_.

 “I’ll wait, then. I think New York can keep me busy for a day” says Derek “until I find better company” and Stiles heart begins to beat harder once again because Derek’s voice is so full of want that it makes him shiver.

 

***

 

Stiles tries to convince himself that he definitely has not made his house a decent place after six months of chaos because of Derek.  The empty Coke cans that were all over the kitchen had started to annoy him, that’s why he got rid of them. And what if his father decides to make him a surprise and come to New York? He would die too see his son’s apartment like that. And he totally hasn’t cooked that delicious dinner because of Derek. He was hungry, okay? And he’s tired of eating pizza every day.

Stiles mentally compliments himself for still being such a good cook, even if it’s been years since he had someone to cook for. He checks for the last time his apartment, hiding all the embarrassing stuff, and his door bell rings just a moment later.

When Stiles opens the door he thinks he’s having a vision. He’s definitely having a vision because Derek’s wearing the old leather jacket he used to wear when Stiles fell in love with him, like he had just opened his old house door and Derek was simply waiting for him outside.

“Ehy, Stiles” says Derek “I brought- Wait, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. Come on in” says Stiles “What did you bring?”

Derek hands him a bag of curly fries and Stiles is sure he’s going to faint because Derek still remembers what he likes. _He still remembers after all this time!,_ he thinks.

“Uh, well. Thank you, I guess?”

“Oh, you don’t like them anymore?”

“No-Of course not! How can anyone dislike curly fries. I just don’t think they will match with the dinner I prepared”

Derek smells the air and smiles. “Yeah, curly fries don’t really match with your home - made pasta. You can always eat them later, though”

“Yes, sure, thank you” says Stiles and he takes the curly fries, putting them on the kitchen’s counter. “So, have a seat” he  says. He is so nervous that his hands are shaking and his heart is beating hard in his chest.

“Stiles, would you relax, please?” asks Derek, because, sure, Stiles has almost forgotten that he’s still a fucking werewolf and he can hear and smell everything.

“I’m trying, I really am”

“How about you go get your pasta? I’m actually pretty hungry”

Stiles stares at him for a few seconds because all this situation is surreal. Derek Hale is sitting at his table, in his apartment. After four years. “ _Stiles_ ” Derek insists, and he finally returns on planet earth and grabs the bowl of pasta.

“So, I heard you wrote a book?” asks Derek once Stiles is seated in front of him, still slightly shaking. Stiles swallows because Derek has taken off his jacket and now his muscles are clearly visible under  the unfairly tight and transparent t-shirt he’s wearing. Stiles feels once again the need to touch him, to lie next to him in bed. He used to feel so safe in Derek’s arms.

“Uhm. Yeah?”

“Yeah? You’re not sure?”

“I mean- yes! Yes, I wrote a book”

“It’s awesome, Stiles. _You’re_ awesome”

“I was lucky enough to find an editor, and Lydia helped me a lot” explains Stiles with a shrug, trying not to blush and shoving a mouthful of past down his throat. “Uh, did you read it?”

Derek doesn’t look at  him when he answers. “No, I didn’t have the chance to”

“Oh, okay”

The room falls silent and Derek can’t help but admire Stiles because he managed to change his life in the same four years that Derek spent running away from his memories. “So, Lydia lives here in New York?” asks Derek, because for the first time between them Stiles isn’t the one who’s carrying the conversation on.

“Yes, she moved here a year after me” says Stiles “Isaac’s here too”

At the mention of his old Beta Derek shivers but he can’t help but feel a little happier. At least Isaac is still alive, at least he has a normal life. “What about Scott?”

“Oh, Scott’s always the same” and now Stiles is talking like he used to.“He stayed in Beacon Hills because, you know, _someone has to protect the city and that would be me._ ” Stiles smiles and when Derek smiles back he feels a weird feeling building inside him. _Is this hope?_ , he asks himself. “He’s still with Allison and now they live together. What a surprise! We all expect a baby in a year’s time ”

Derek nods and he’s still smiling when Stiles asks the question he has wanted to ask since their first encounter at the pub. “What about you? What did you do all this time?”

“I run away” answers Derek, because he knows that Stiles won’t take anything but the truth. “I tried to forget?” But his tone is not so sure.

“Well, I hope you remember that time you nearly got me killed by the kanima because you were paralyzed and couldn’t swim!” says Stiles, trying to break the tension. He doesn’t want Derek to feel uncomfortable and leave, even if Stiles should be mad at him. _Yeah, I should._

“Jackson was a dick”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” says Stiles “More pasta?”

 

***

 

By midnight their bellies are full and Stiles’ brain is fuzzy because of the incredible wine Derek has brought along with the curly fries. “It’s a shame werewolf can’t get drunk” says Stiles “It would be easier to do whatever we want tonight and then blame it on the alcohol tomorrow”

Derek smiles. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Well, maybe I do but it’s stupid and it makes no sense at all”

“I’ll try to understand”

Stiles sighs heavily and then starts to talk. “Since I saw you the other night, I have all this old memories in my head” he starts “I remember when we first kissed, I remember that time you got hurt so bad that even Deaton was worried you were never gonna recover” Stiles falls on the sofa and Derek joins him because he just wants to be near the boy while he’s talking like that. “I remember when you fell asleep in my bed for the first time, when my dad found us almost naked in my room...yeah, that was a great moment. Embarrassing, sure, but still great” and then he stops, because he can’t talk anymore if he doesn’t want to cry in front of Derek.

“Stiles-” Derek says, and he really wants to put and arm around Stiles’ shoulders but he stops himself “I remember, too”

Derek hears Stiles’ sigh and he puts his hand on the boy’s knee. The contact feels so right that Derek has to control himself and keep his hand there because it seems like Stiles’ skin is burning. “But you didn’t answer my question. What do you want to do?”

Derek hates himself for hoping that Stiles’ answer will include sex, but the boy is drunk and Derek could never sleep with him in that situation. Even if he really wants to. God, all he wants to do right now is to touch Stiles body again, like he used to. Because Stiles is still his, Derek can feel it. He can even smell it.

 _“Is Stiles still a virgin?”_ Derek thinks, but then pushes away the question because it’ll be too painful to think about it. They didn’t have the time to have sex back in Beacon Hills because every time something horrible happened to them, or to their friends, or to their families, and they had to take care of them. When Derek left, Stiles was still a virgin.

“I just want to go back in time, when we were in Beacon Hills together. Those were the days, man” Stiles sighs and his eyes are big, like he’s trying to remember everything he can.

“When I buy a time machine, you’ll be the first to know. In the meanwhile, you better think about something else”

“I’m just going to close my eyes for a few minutes. I’m not going to fall asleep. Don’t leave” says Stiles yawning.

“I won’t”

 

**

 

“Oh my god!” screams Stiles the next morning “Oh my god, oh my god”

“Stiles? What’s wrong?” says Derek with a sleepy voice. He fell asleep on the couch and his back and neck hurt.

“ You slept here! You slept here! _You_ slept here”

“Can you stop repeating everything you say three times?”

“What? Yeah, sorry” says Stiles “Sorry, I’m sorry”

Derek shots him a threatening look and Stiles finally shuts up his mouth. “Are you mad I stayed?” asks Derek.

“Actually, I’m mad at me for not being mad at you” answers Stiles “Why is that? Did you do something I don’t know? Because, I swear, three days ago you were the first name on my black list”

Derek laughs. “Do you really have a blacklist?”

“Sure. Jackson was the second, and that blind werewolf who tried to kill you was definitely the third”

“Priorities” smiles Derek.

 

***

Stiles is pretty sure that the way he feels about Derek is not the way you’re supposed to feel when you hate someone, but he likes to think that he is so mature and grown up that he has forgiven Derek for noble reasons and definitely not because of the leather jacket he was wearing last night.

“Scott, I’m not joking” says Stiles tucking his phone between his head and his shoulder “Derek Hale is in New York. I repeat, Derek Hale is in New York”

“Are you sick?” asks Scott “Do you have hallucinations?”

“Scott, Jesus Christ, I talked to him!” says Stiles “I had dinner with him and I’m going to meet him in two hours, fourteen minutes and... five seconds”

“Uh, oh” says Scott.

“What? Dude, can you please articulate your thoughts?”

“Are you seriously doing the countdown?”

“No! Wait, oh crap! I think I am”

“Well, this is interesting”

“I’m screwed” says Stiles.

“Dude, you wrote a book about him. A _fucking successful_ book. Whatever it is that you’re feeling, is totally normal”

“Bye, Scott” says Stiles,  and he hangs up wishing there could be a way to punch a person trough the phone.

 

**

Stiles tries to convince himself that he has only invited Derek ice skating in Rockefeller Square to be a good host and show him one of the best parts of the City. The place is full of people and even if Christmas is still a month away the lights are so bright that it feels like it. Stiles remembers his first time in Rockefeller Center, when he was still alone in New York waiting for his book to be published, and smiles at the memory. New York had felt so perfect at the time.

“I think I’ll watch you from here” says Derek when they reach the rink, eying suspiciously the ice.

“What? Don’t even think about it, you’re coming with me” says Stiles, grabbing Derek’s hand and putting a shaky feet on the ice. Derek snorts but follows him and his hand doesn’t leave Stiles’ even when the boy falls on his butt after three minutes.

“I can see you’re laughing. I’m not blind, you know?” says Stiles “Help me!”

Derek puts Stiles on his feet again and they skate without any more problems. Derek, obviously, is really good and by the end of the night Stiles is still skating slowly while Derek makes fast circles around him, grinning like a child.

“Don’t enjoy yourself too much” says Stiles, even if he’s smiling “I’m not going to fall” he assures, even if he has already fallen four times while Derek wasn’t looking.

“Take my hand” says Derek and Stiles feels his strong fingers curling around his wrist. “Follow me and don’t think too much”

Stiles sighs because he knows he’s going to fall miserably but follows Derek to the middle of the rink, which is way more crowded than what Stiles would like. Surprisingly, Stiles manages to keep himself up holding Derek’s hand.

“Hey, Derek! Look at me, I’m actually skating!”

“You’re not skating, you can barely stand” mumbles a little girl with a pink coat, skating past them. Stiles sticks his tongue out at her.

“Yeah, and you’re good” says Derek, trying not to laugh “Now, if I let go of your hand you should be able to-”

But Stiles’ legs start to shake when he’s not connected with Derek anymore and he feels himself falling to the ground. He closes his eyes, waiting for his butt to touch the cold ice, but the impact never comes. Stiles finds himself safe in Derek’s arms, up in the air, away from the ice.

“Whoa. Uh, thank you for not letting me fall” says Stiles, trying not to look at Derek because he’ so close. So damn close.

“You’re welcome”

“You can let me go, you know?”

“I don’t want to” says Derek.

“Ew” says the little girl on her way back to the centre of the rink.

Ice skating is a lot more fun when someone won’t let your feet touch the ground.

 

**

Stiles is such a good host that in the next two weeks Derek has visited the Liberty Statue (I can’t believe you’re afraid of heights, Derek!), the Empire State Building(Come on dude, it’s not like King Kong is gonna attack us!)  and each and every one of the museums, where eventually Stiles stays silent. They eat every day at a different place and  every night Stiles returns to his apartment happy and excited, even if he has just spent the entire day in the freezing cold. Derek’s still there after all, and he doesn’t ask for anything else.

The morning after they have visited the MoMA Stiles tries to get ready for the New York Public Library, his favourite place in the whole city, but his head hurts so much that he falls back on the mattress and he’s still there when his door bell rings.

“Open the door, Derek. There’s a key under the mat” yells Stiles and he hears Derek stepping in.

“Stiles? Are you okay?”

“Mh. I think I might be sick” says Stiles as Derek walks in his bedroom “My head hurts and I can’t breathe from my nose. Good thing you’re a werewolf”

“How did you know it was me at the door?”

“I didn’t” admits Stiles.

“It could have been a serial killer, Stiles. You’re not in Beacon Hills anymore, you need to be more careful and- Why are you smiling?”

“You’re worried about me” says Stiles.

Derek stares at him for a few seconds and then shrugs. “Maybe”

“Oh, why can’t you just admit it?”

“How about I make you a tea? You look terrible”

“God. Thank you”

 

***

 

Ten minutes later Stiles has finished his tea but he’s still shivering. “I think I have the flu” says Stiles, closing his eyes and laying on his bed. “I had too much fun showing you the City in the cold”

“Are you saying this is my fault?” asks Derek, who’s lying next to him with his arms under his head, and the whole situation feel so familiar to both of them that they don’t even feel uncomfortable sharing the same bed. Sure, Derek’s is further than he used to when they were in Beacon Hills, but Stiles doesn’t complain.

“T-t-totally” says Stiles, shivering under his covers. “It’s so cold, isn’t it?”

“Not really” says Derek “It’s just the flu”

“Oh. O-o-okay” says Stiles and he can basically hear Derek rolling his eyes. “I bet your heating system isn’t working for a very good reason” he says.

“Exactly!” says Stiles “I was-”

“I don’t wanna know” says Derek “Come here, dumbass” and he literally wraps himself around Stiles, making sure he’s not cold anymore.

“Ah, I forgot how hot you were” says Stiles and when Derek raises an eyebrow he adds “Ugh. I didn’t mean sexy- hot, but-- Not that you’re not sexy. Because you are, what I meant was...”

“Stiles”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up”

Derek pulls Stiles closer to his chest and smells the boy’s hair. They’re longer now and they smell so good that Derek’s jeans fells suddenly tighter. He missed him so much while he was travelling without a destination. His jokes, his sarcasm, his laugh. He even missed Stiles’ dad death threats.

Derek feels Stiles relax into him and in a matter of minutes he isn’t shivering anymore. Stiles lifts his head just a little bit and they are so close that Stiles can see every shade of Derek’s eyes. Not that he didn’t notice before, but they are so incredibly green that is almost unfair. “’I’ve always liked your eyes” says Stiles, his mouth just a few inches away from Derek’s chin.

“I’ve always liked you hair” says Derek and he puts his hand on Stiles’ head, stroking him. Suddenly Stiles’ New York apartment seems so similar to his old bedroom that he’s sure the flu is making him see things. Is Derek really looking at him like he used to? Stiles finds himself leaning forward with his lips slightly open, sure that Derek is about to kiss him.

But then Derek clears his voice and Stiles comes back to reality only to realize how ridiculous he must seem. He’s like a little baby waiting for his mum to give him the goodnight kiss. Stiles stares at Derek’s chest because he can’t look at his face _right now_ , until he feels Derek’s hand rubbing his back.

“I used to do this all the time, remember? Rubbing you back?”

“Um. I think I do” says Stiles sighing. He remembers so well, it almost feels like time never passed between them.

“You’re still so tense” says Derek.

“Yeah? Yeah, I guess I am. I told you I’m really busy” says Stiles, melting under Derek’s touch.

“I hope you’ll feel better soon” says Derek, but Stiles is already fast asleep in his arms.

 

***

 

Stiles wakes up five hours later with Derek still wrapped around him, wide awake. “Uhm, sorry I passed out” says Stiles in a sleepy tone, pulling away from Derek’s chest. The bed feels so cold that Stiles has to control himself not to shiver again.

“It’s okay” says Derek, crossing his arms on his chest but not leaving the bed.

“You should go” says Stiles “I’m sure you have plenty of things to do”. Why is he talking like that? He wants Derek to stay, but after the kiss _he totally hasn’t received_ , he’s sure Derek doesn’t feel the same way.

“Yes, maybe I should” agrees Derek. He rolls off the bed and stands in front of the window, looking outside. “Oh, shit”

“What?”

Derek opens the curtains and Stiles’ eyes widen. “It’s snowing!” he screams “Let’s go out, we can have a snow ball fight! Oh no, wait- I’m sick”

“You’re not going outside” says Derek “And neither do I because I can’t drive home in this weather. Can I stay for a while?”

Still sighs because, sure, this is his life. He wants Derek to leave and now he’s stuck in his apartment for hours. _Thanks a lot, Mum,_ Stiles thinks. “Sure” he says “ I can’t get out of bed a-anyway, so you m-might be useful”

“Stiles, are you shivering again?”

“N-no”

Derek stares at him with a sceptical look and joins him again in bed. “You don’t have to d-do this, Derek” says Stiles “I’ll be okay”

“Sure you will. You’re a tough guy” says Derek “I just want to make sure you won’t break your teeth if you keep shivering like this” and then he opens his arms and waits for Stiles to move towards him.

“Oh, okay. If you say so” says Stiles and he won’t be the one to complain about this.

“Tell me the best thing that happened to you in those four years” says Derek, looking down at Stiles even if the boy keeps on staring at his chest, refusing to look at him in the face. Derek feels Stiles’ breath on the fabric of his shirt and, really, he just wants to kiss him. But he feels like there are so many things unresolved between them that kissing Stiles doesn’t seem fair to him.

“Well, getting my book published was pretty big. But it’s hard to choose between this and that time I got lost and I explored the City on my own. Everything was so different from Beacon Hills, I felt almost like a traitor because I liked New York too much”

Derek laughs softly and nods in agreement. “I get what you’re saying. Is nice to be in a city this big, right? In a city where nobody knows anything about your personal life”. _Where nobody knows about your dead family_ , Derek wants to add.

“Exactly” says Stiles. “Tell me about you, now”

“The best thing that happened to me was this time in Japan. An old lady, maybe seventy or eighty years old, predicted my future”

“Oh” says Stiles “ I hope she had good news for you”

Derek stays silent, because he doesn’t really feel like sharing what the Japanese lady told him. She told Derek about his love life and she assured him that he wouldn’t be alone for the rest of his days. “But you’ll have to fight, Derek. Your love won’t be easy” she had said before leaving him. At the time Derek didn’t really understand those words, but now, with Stiles in his arms, he starts to think about them once again.

_“I’m going to fight then”_

 

***

 

The snow storm seems endless and they’re still in bed when Stiles’ phone starts to ring. He is so wrapped in Derek’s arms that he finds it difficult to reach the phone and answer the call.

“Um. Hello?”

“Stiles, dude!” yells Scott “Are you okay? I heard there’s a snow storm in New York”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m at home actually, I have the flu”

“Oh, that sucks, man. You could have called Isaac or Lydia, I’m sure they would have helped you...”

“No, I’m fine. Just a few more hours-”

“... or you can call Derek. He’s totally going to come to your house” and Stiles stills because he knows that Derek can hear Scott and he feels Derek’s chest rumbling, trying not to laugh.

“Scott-”

“Yes, this is a brilliant idea! Call him, maybe he’ll give you something to make you feel better. Like, I don’t know, those back rubs  you always talked about , or maybe something dirtier like-”

“Scott!” cries Stiles “Stop talking, for fuck’s sake. Derek’s already here”

“Oh” says Scott “OH! Sorry dude, how was I supposed to know? He has heard everything, right?”

“Everything” confirms Derek and Stiles buries his face deeper in Derek’s chest.

“Did I embarrass you?” asks Scott.

“Yes” says Stiles.

“Bye, Stiles. Tell him I want to talk to him as soon as possible”

“Goodbye, Scott”

Stiles hangs up and thinks that maybe if he keeps on staring at Derek’s shirt he won’t say anything about the call. But obviously his plan isn’t going to work. “He’s still the same, isn’t he?” asks Derek.

“Yes. Still stupid, still innocent, still my best friend”

“Do you want another back rub? Just to make you feel better?” says Derek, smirking. Stiles wants to kill himself. “I’m sorry. But I swear I didn’t always talk about your amazing back rubs”

“Uhm. Okay, I’m going to give you one anyway, just in case”

“Oh, yes please” says Stiles “Umm. You’re so good at this” and he’s talking like that only because he’s still not looking at Derek directly. If Derek doesn’t want to kiss him, maybe Stiles can pay him for his massages. It seems like a cool idea even if Stiles doubts Derek will agree.

“Stiles, look at me” says Derek, feeling Stiles’ body melting under his fingers.

“No”

“ _Stiles_ ”

The boy finally looks up and he feels so small in Derek’s arms, just like when he was a skinny eighteen years old. Is he going to finally kiss him? Stiles shakes in anticipation, eager to feel Derek’s lips on his once again. He missed his kisses so much, he missed Derek-

“I’m sorry” says Derek instead “I’m sorry I left you in Beacon Hills even if it was for a good reason. I didn’t want you to follow me and there was no doubt you would have done it. I’m sorry I never called you and I’m sorry I only figured out I missed you when you were not with me anymore. No, that’s not right. I figured out I had missed you when I saw you here in New York. Is it weird?”

“Yes?” says Stiles, but it comes out more as a question.

“I know, but it’s like I said. When I was travelling I thought about you every day but I always wondered how you were doing, or what you were doing in that moment or if you were fighting with your dad, you know? But when I saw you outside that pub I understood that I missed you so much that it’s not even healthy. So, I said it. I’m sorry, so so sorry. You can stop being mad at me, now”

“I’m not mad at you!” says Stiles. It’s true, or at least he thinks so. He hated Derek for four years but it took him just a few days to forgive him, even if he can’t really explain that.  

 _So, that’s it?,_ Stiles, thinks. Derek has finally apologised, Stiles has forgiven him, and he suddenly  feels so different. There, in Derek’s arms, he feels all the pain and the hate go away from his body and he’s finally free. And so  is Derek. It’s clear he just wanted to make his apologies and make things up to Stiles. That’s why he stayed in New York. He just didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. Stiles can understand. Maybe.

And Stiles feels so stupid for wishing about Derek to fall in love with him again. Stiles loves him so much and Derek has missed him, okay, but that’s it. He missed him because they had sex together _, amazing_ sex. Because, let’s be honest, Stiles was the best boyfriend on earth, and because Stiles made Derek a little less lonely. But he didn’t miss him as a lover, as a person to share his life with.

Stiles has written a fucking book about their love story and Derek hasn’t even tried to kiss him. Stiles is willing to give an arm for Derek and Derek doesn’t even want to give his little finger, that’s the right comparison.

“Yes, you are” says Derek, wrapping a little bit more around Stiles’ body, even if now he feels like he’s suffocating.

“Not anymore” Stiles says, and he rolls away from Derek’s chest, lying on the cold side of the bed. “I’m okay now, I’m not shivering anymore”

“There’s anything I can do for you?” asks Derek.

 _“Yes, love me back!”_ Stiles wants to shout melodramatically and, yes, he’s aware that would be a little exaggerated. Instead he says “You could bring me the papers on the kitchen’s table. I have a speech to do in three days”

“What kind of speech?” asks Derek when he’s back from the kitchen.

“I have to present my book in Barnes&Noble. It’s my first big appearance”

“That’s great, Stiles. Really great”

“Yeah, I’d like to be left alone now. You know, to focus better on these papers” and he knows he sounds like a jerk but he doesn’t want to be around Derek if he doesn’t want him. He wants to be alone and cry until he won’t have any tears left.

“Oh” Derek says “Yeah, I guess I can go now. It isn’t snowing anymore”

“Great” says Stiles, and he tries to look at the papers in his hands instead of Derek’s confused face.

Derek shakes his head. “I don’t understand. You just said you weren’t mad at me anymore. So, why you’re kicking me off? I thought-”

“I’m not mad, Derek. I forgave you. I just want to concentrate for a few hours and then go back to sleep. I’m not in a really good shape”

“Stiles, what-”

“ I just want you to go away, Derek! You said you apologies, _finally_ , and I forgave you. We’re all good now, right? You can go back to whatever you were doing before you had the brilliant idea of coming to New York”

Derek scowls and, really, in the last three weeks Stiles has had so many flashbacks that he isn’t so sure if he’s in Beacon Hills or in New York anymore. It all feels the same when Derek is with him, because everywhere feels like home. _“Stop with the soppy memories, Stiles”,_ he thinks.

“You know what?” says Derek “ I don’t understand you. Maybe I never did and I never will”

“Yeah. Great. GREAT!” shouts Stiles and he is so angry that he punches Derek right in the face, hurting himself. But he doesn’t feel the pain, not right now. Derek brings a hand to his cheek, shocked by Stiles’ behaviour. “ I have an idea. Read my book, that’s the best way to understand me!”

“What? Your book?”

“Yes, Derek. My book. The only one I wrote, the one that made me come in this city. Read it, and then you’ll understand why I’m so angry”

“I thought you said-”

“Just... read it” sighs Stiles “And if you don’t want to see me again after you’re done, I want you to know I’ll totally understand”

“Your book” Derek repeats “I don’t get it, but I guess you won’t say another word” Stiles nods as Derek walks out of the bedroom and Stiles can feel his eyes starting to hurt because of the tears. _Is he leaving again?,_ he asks to himself. He’s so scared that Derek will disappear once again that he start shivering again, but this time Derek’s not there to keep the cold away. _“But if he doesn’t want me, maybe that’s for the best”,_  he thinks wrapping himself with the covers.

 “Bye, Derek” says Stiles, and Derek hears him from just outside the door.

 

***

 

The next three days are a blur. Stiles is so confused (but hopeful at the same time, how is it possible?) and he knows (hopes) that Derek is reading his book. The question is, will he back away from Stiles or will he stay? “It’s like waiting for the results of a fucking exam” whispers Stiles.

“What?” asks Lydia, looking at him like he’s gone crazy.

“Never mind” answers Stiles, looking at the Barnes&Noble shelves around him “When is my turn? I can’t wait to go back to my apartment”

“But Stiles!” says Lydia, trying to keep her voice low “You have to sign the books, you won’t get back home for at least other five hours!”

Stiles groans because, of course, he forgot about the signing. His thoughts keep on returning to Derek, even if he really doesn’t want to. _Is he reading the book now? Has he already left the city?_ All the questions are tormenting Stiles and he’s already sure that he will end up asking the crowd in Barnes &Noble their opinion about Derek.

“Stiles” whispers Lydia  “Stiles, is your turn! What are you thinking about?”

Stiles doesn’t have the time to answer back because Lydia shoves him on the little stage, and he sits on the only chair available. The host hands him a copy of his book and Stiles tries to smile to the cheering crowd.  He’s still not used to all of this. The cameras, the noise, the questions about his book.

“So, Mr. Stilinski” says the host, smiling wide at him “Can I call you Stiles?”

“Of course” says Stiles, trying to smile back. _Where’s Derek right now? Has the book scared him?_

“Stiles, then” says the host “You’re the most popular young writer of the moment! Tell us about your book. Where did you get the inspiration? Were you inspired by a real story or it was all fictional?”

“Well” starts Stiles “Of course a big part of the book is fictional. Unfortunately, werewolf don’t really exist in our world, even if it would be so cool”

The crowd laughs and Stiles sees Lydia smiling at him. _Yeah, werewolf don’t exist and they definitely don’t look like magazines’ models,_ he thinks.

“Let’s talk about the protagonist, Sam. He is really smart and always helps his friends. He seems kind of a loser in the first part of the book, but then something changes, right?”

“Oh, yes” says Stiles “Everything changes for Sam because he falls in love for the first time with this mysterious young man, Damian. Sam is basically still a child before meeting him and Damian helps him growing up and discovering new things”

“Yes” says the host “And he’s a werewolf! How convenient is that? Super powers and fangs and claws! We all need that in our lives, right?”

The crowd cheers again and some of them nod and smile, like they’re imagining their life as werewolves.

“But then something bad happens” insists the host.

Stiles nods. “Something bad happens, because the city where Sam and Damian live isn’t really safe. Two of their friends die, two members of Damian’s pack, and he can’t really forgive himself. So he runs away. He leaves Sti- uhm, I mean, Sam”

Even if he’s on the stage and Lydia is in the crowd, he can feel her freeze, but no one seems to have noticed Stiles’ hesitation. He tries to go on. “Stiles is left dealing with a lot of problems without Damian’s help. For  example, Sam’s best friend becomes the New Alpha and they don’t really know what to do”

“ The book ends with a flash forward of a few months, am I right?” asks the host.

“Yes, I wanted to show how Sam was doing. He grows up so much without Damian because he knows that now he’s on his own. I tried to give the book an happy ending, with Sam doing well in his life, but I don’t know if I did it. What do the readers think?”

Stiles smiles to the crowd, but his eyes are sad. He didn’t want his character to be just like him, who pretends to be okay even if he feels like he’s missing something inside. He wanted Sam to be happy without Damian. Ha wanted Sam to have a fucking great life.

A girl in the front row raises her hand and Stiles smiles at her. “I think Sam is just pretending” she says, like she just read his mind “He’d like to be okay without Damian, but he really isn’t”

 _No, no_ , Stiles thinks, _Sam is supposed to have a good life._

Stile tries to be nice to the girl in the front row and says that the ending of the book can be interpreted. _There’s no definitive conclusion,_ he explains while the girl keeps on staring at him with a perplexed look. Stiles answers a few more questions before the host tells the crowd that it’s time for the signing. He waits in his chairs until everyone lines up and then he starts signing every copy of his book that is handed to him. He sees on the corner of his eye Lydia give him a thumbs up and he smiles, signing the next book.

“What’s your name, please?” he asks without looking up. He’s so tired. He hopes the remaining people will be nice to him.

“Damian” answers a deep voice, Derek’s voice. Stiles looks up and his mouth falls open, his eyes go big and he’s sure Lydia is having his exact same reaction in her chair. “I’d like a personal dedication from the writer. Something about werewolves, even if they don’t exist”

“Derek” Stiles whispers “What the fuck are you doing here? I thought-”

“What? That I left the City? Sometimes I seriously think you’re not that smart, Stiles. How could I? You wrote a book about us”

“Yeah” says Stiles “But I thought... I thought it was too much for you”

“Too much? What do you mean?” says Derek. He sees Stiles scribbling something on the first page of the book, something he can’t read.

“Not here” says Stiles “The line is still long”

“I’ll wait for you at your apartment” says Derek “Hurry up”

Stiles nods and hands Derek his copy of the book. “Can’t wait” he says smiling “Buy some pizza, I don’t have time to cook”

Derek leaves and the next person in line comes up to him. “That was him, right? Damian?” asks a girl’s voice. When Stiles look at her he realizes she’s the girl from the front row who asked him the first question.

“What?” asks Stiles “No, Damian is just a fictional character”

“I’m not stupid, you know? That was your real life Damian and, let me tell you, he looks just like a wolf. And you’re Sam, right? Right?”

“What if I say yes?”

“I knew it!” she says, jumping up and down. “You should get him back, you know? He’s beautiful. Oh my god, I can’t believe I saw the real Damian. I’m gonna tell all my friends, they couldn’t make it today”

Stiles smiles because this girl reminds him of himself as a teenager, excited and excitable. “And what if I tell you that everything in the book is real? That werewolves really exist?”

“I already told you, I’m not stupid. Werewolves don’t exist, even if your boyfriend really looks like one”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”protests Stiles. He can’t believe he’s arguing with a teenager about his love life.

“He will” she says, and then she runs away from Stiles with her signed copy of the book.

 

***

 

“Scott!” Stiles yells on the phone “I need help”

He’s walking back to his apartment after the signing because he was too nervous to take a taxi. He’s basically running through the crowded streets, panting hard on the phone.

“Stiles, what happened? Are you okay?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m fine. Derek wants to talk to me. What am I supposed to say?”

“Dude, don’t panic” says Scott “Breathe. Come on, I wanna hear one deep breath”

Stiles does as Scott says and feels slightly better. “What does he want to talk about?”

“He read my book, Scott! He wants to talk about us. Oh my god, I don’t know what I should say to him”

“Tell him the truth” says Scott, as if it was obvious.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe I should tell him that I spent the first year without him crying every night and the next three years writing a fucking book about him that I wanted to keep to myself but somehow became famous? Maybe I should tell him that I didn’t date or have sex with anyone yet because I just want him. Oh my god, Scott, I’m still a virgin. He’s totally going to dump me. _Again_ ”

“Stiles” says Scott “I’m sure Derek already knows all of this. I bet he smelled that you were still his the first time you saw him. Maybe, that’s why he was so shocked”

“Oh my god” says Stiles “Oh. My. God. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t kissed me. He thinks I’m a loser, and he’s right!”

“Stiles, calm down” says Scott, trying not to laugh at his friend’s panic attack “ You’re not a loser. You’re just in love. You never stopped being in love with Derek”

“You know, sometimes you say really wise things” says Stiles. He feels a little better now and he stops running because he can see his bedroom window from the street. “I have to go now, Scott. Wish me luck”

“You won’t need it. Everything is gonna be fine”

“I swear I’ll come back to Beacon Hills and kill you if something goes wrong” says Stiles, and he hears Scott’s laugh before hanging up. He swallows and look for the last time at the his window, hoping to find Derek naked on his bed.

 

***

 

Derek is not naked and is not in Stiles’ bedroom. He’s on the sofa and Stiles joins him after closing the door.

“Sorry it took me this long” says Stiles “The line was endless”

“That’s because you’re a great writer” smiles Derek “I read your book in three days”

Stiles tries not to blush at the compliment. “Yeah, about that...”

“Wait, let’s eat first. I know you don’t function well with your stomach empty”

Stiles smiles and actually feels his stomach rumbling. “I bought pizza” says Derek “Let’s go to the kitchen”

They seat together at the kitchen’s table and Derek watches Stiles eat his pizza like he hasn’t eaten in months.  Derek asks him about the event at the book shop and Stiles tells him all about his day. “There were so many people, Derek “ Stiles says “It’s weird to think they were there for me”

“They were there because they loved your book” says Derek “And I think you should start getting used to fame. I have a feeling you’re going to be huge”

“Thank you” says Stiles, his cheeks turning a shade of pink “That means a lot coming from you”

“It’s the truth”

 Derek eats the last slice of his pizza and then helps Stiles cleaning up the table. The silence between them isn’t really uncomfortable but Derek knows that Stiles is trying to control himself and wait. He can see Stiles’ mouth opening every few seconds, as if he’s thinking of the right thing to say.

“Stiles, you can talk” says Derek, trying to calm the boy down.

“Uhm, yeah. I guess I _should_ talk... say something, at least. So, the book. You read it”

“I read it”

“Did you like it?”

“Stiles, how could I possibly not like it? That book... That book is about _us_ ”

Stiles sighs because now it’s his turn. He has to speak clearly and he’s ready to accept the consequences. “Listen, Derek. I told you to read the book because I want you to know how I feel about.. us? I’ve never stopped thinking about you, I’ve never stopped caring about you and wondering where you were . I suffered so much the first year without you and then I started writing... and I couldn’t stop because I  needed to get rid of all the anger I felt”

“Did it work?” asks Derek, barely able to speak. Stiles is breathing hard, like that time they went running in Central Park. It was only three weeks ago but it feels like years.

“Oh, I was so sure writing the book helped me to forget about you. So, so sure. But when I saw you at the pub, it was like all the time I spent trying to convince myself that I was over you never existed. That same night I was so mad at me because I understood that I wasn’t even a little bit angry at you. I just wanted to talk to you, to make you laugh, I don’t know, anything but letting you go again...”

“Stiles, you don’t have to-”

“No! I have to, Derek, I have to explain. So, I tried to be your friend. I showed you the city and we had a really great time but I hated myself. I hated myself because I knew you weren’t just a friend to me and it was so clear that I was just a friend to you, that you enjoyed my company, yes, but that was all. So,..”

“Stiles, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You haven’t even tried to kiss me. We were in a bed, Derek! We were so close I could count your eyelashes and still, you didn’t do anything”

Derek sits on the sofa because he feels his knees go weak and closes his eyes. His head is spinning and he can hears Stiles’ endless babbling. He has to stop this. He has to make sure Stiles knows how he feels.

“Stiles” says Derek “I want you to listen to me now, carefully, because I’m not going to repeat what I’m going to say. Okay?” Stiles is too shocked to answer, so he just nods.

“I’ve never tried to kiss you because I thought you were still mad at me because I left you four years ago. I thought that if I wanted you to fall in love with me again I had to become your friend again, even if it was painful. So I explored the city with you, even if this is the fifth time I’ve been to New York, even if I didn’t really care about the monuments, or the museums or the famous buildings. Even if I just wanted to lock ourselves in your apartment and....”

“And?” asks Stiles. His mouth is hanging open and his eyes are wide with excitement. He sits on the couch near Derek and waits for the answer.

“I want you so bad, Stiles” Derek says, blushing hard. “ And I know you’re not in love with me anymore but...”

“Would you stop saying that?”

“What?”

“That I’m not in love with you anymore. That’s not true. I’ve never stopped being in love with you, Derek” says Stiles, feeling his cheeks go red.  He focuses on his hands because he can’t look at Derek right now. “I-I don’t know if you noticed it, or smelled it, or whatever but...I’m, I mean, I’m still a virgin”

He heard Derek moan. “Oh god. I knew it” Derek says, and Stiles feels the world falling apart.

“I know, I’m a loser. I don’t want you to do or say anything you don’t want to. I mean, I’m sure you could find-”

“Stiles, would you stop acting like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like I don’t care about you. Like I don’t like you back”

Derek moves forward and suddenly he’s so close that Stiles has to remember himself how to breathe. “You like me back?” asks Stiles.

“I’m gonna show you” says Derek, and then he kisses him like he has never done before, like a starving man who finally eats his first meal after months. Stiles feel Derek’s hand on his face, so warm and strong, and the flash backs hit him again.

“You waited for me?” whispers Derek while he kisses Stiles’ neck. “All this time... you were still mine?”

It takes Stiles a few seconds before he’s able to answer because Derek is kissing him after years – years!- and he has to control himself not to scream. “I hoped you would came back, one day”

“You’re amazing” says Derek, kissing him on his collarbone “And I’m and asshole. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll never leave you again”

Stiles doesn’t have the time to answer because Derek lifts him from the couch and heads towards the bedroom. Stiles feels his skin burning because Derek keeps on kissing him and he wants to kiss him back but he really needs to breathe.

***

The bed is soft under Stiles’ back and so are Derek’s lips on his mouth. Stiles doesn’t know how but they’re both naked and surprisingly, he’s not the one in shock there.

“You’re...You. Stiles, your body” says Derek as he closes his eyes, passing his tongue on Stiles’ chest. Stiles knows what Derek means. He’s not a teenager anymore and his body has changed, thanks to his amazing metabolism and to his morning runs.

“What about it?” Stiles teases. He knows he’s not the one with the perfect body there, because Derek is just incredible, but he wants to hear what Derek has to say.

“You grew up” Derek says, smiling at him. “You’re perfect”

“Oh, shut up” says Stiles, trying not to blush. “If you keep talking like this I’m not gonna last any longer. Go to the bathroom. Take the lube. Come back”

It takes Derek only a minute to come back to Stiles, who’s now staring at him with an expectant look. He wants Derek so bad that he’s not even scared if it’s gonna hurt. He just wants Derek inside him and apparently Derek wants to be inside him, too, because Stiles feels one slicked finger reaching his hole and pushing inside. The sensation isn’t exactly new to him, but Derek’s finger reaches spots that Stiles has never reached with his own hand.

“Oh my god” Derek moans, his voice hoarse and full of want “ I can’t believe nobody has ever touched you here”

“Well, I touch myself there almost every day” says Stiles tightening his grip on Derek’s arm “Thinking about you”

“Shit. Stiles, stop talking like this or I’m gonna come” says Derek “And I don’t want to come before I’m inside you”

Stiles chuckles and then moans when Derek pushes a second finger in and then a third. “Who the fuck am I kidding, I’m gonna come just because you waited all this time for me” Stiles really wants to laugh because Derek has to be joking. Stiles doesn’t want to believe he has all this power on Derek. But Derek’s face is so serious that Stiles stills for a second, even if Derek’s fingers are driving him crazy.

“Are you serious?”

“What do you say?”

“Oh my god” says Stiles, feeling his cock getting harder and harder “I can’t believe it. Derek Hale is gonna come because of me”

Derek scowls, pulling out his fingers, and looks Stiles in the eyes. “You’re going to tell me if I hurt you” he says, guiding his own cock towards Stiles’ hole. Stiles nods even if he’s never going to tell Derek to stop, even if it hurts like hell. “I want you to tell me if you want me to stop”

“I’d never want you to stop”

 _“Stiles_ ”

“Okay” Stiles says “Just. Please. I’ve waited for so long”

Derek’s eyes get darker as he pushes himself inside Stiles and the boy he’s sure his heart is going to explode because- oh my god- never in his wildest fantasies he has imagined something like... this. His back arch under Derek’s touch and they both find out that Stiles screams during sex... a lot. He screams because Derek is hitting the perfect spot and he’s sending waves of pleasure trough his body. He screams because Derek is stroking his hard cock while he rides him, and Stiles comes embarrassingly fast. He screams because he feels so, so full.

Stiles notices that Derek’s quiet during sex and that he just focuses on pleasuring Stiles. Is it possible that Stiles is hard again?

Stiles screams one last time when he feels Derek’s come flowing inside him and he’s sure to see Derek’s eyes flash yellow, but he can’t talk at the moment, he can’t ask. He waits until Derek rolls off him and lies next to him on the bed, pulling Stiles towards his chest.

“How was it? Are you okay?” asks Derek with a concerned look on his face.

“Just give me five minutes to think of a proper word to describe... this. What you just did to me. What we did together”

Derek laughs and pulls Stiles closer to him. “I’m sure you’ll find the perfect word. Can I suggest _spectacular_?”, and now it’s Stiles’ turn to laugh.

“I was thinking about _ecstatic_ ”

They don’t leave Stiles’ apartment for the next three days.

 

***

They spend Christmas and  New Years’ Eve in New York together because neither of them really wants to leave the city during that time of the year and because they want to spend as much time as possible together, only the two of them. Stiles feels slightly guilty about leaving his father alone, even if he knows that Scott and his mum will take care of him, but the first of January he wakes up feeling like a new person, after the best New Years’ Eve of his life.

The fact is that New York feels so perfect for both of them. Derek eventually moves to Stiles’ apartment because he doesn’t leave it often anyway and they spent most of their free time together. Derek finds a job in a gym ( _of course you want to be a personal trainer_!, says Stiles when Derek tells him the news) and Stiles... well, Stiles tries to find the inspiration to write another book. He feels like Sam and Damian’s story is not over yet and he wants to give a second book to his readers.

But Stiles knows why he can’t seem to find a source of inspiration. New York is great and perfect and he doesn’t really want to leave but... he has to. If he wants to write his book. “ _No goodbye_ ” takes places in Beacon Hills and Stiles knows that he won’t be able to write a sequel in a city so different from his hometown. _Do I really want to go back?,_ he asks himself every night. And every time the answer is _yes_ , _only to write my book._

But he knows he can’t ask Derek to go back to Beacon Hills because that place holds too many memories for him. Well, for both of them but mostly for Derek.  Stiles doesn’t want to go without Derek but he really feels the need to go back. _I’m going to talk to him_ , he says to himself every night, when Derek comes back home from work, and every night he falls asleep without a word on the topic.

But of course Derek notices that Stiles wants to say something to him... _has_ to say something to him.

“Stiles” Derek says one night “Just talk to me”

They’re cuddling on the couch and Stiles is trying to watch his favourite tv show even if Derek keeps distracting him. He kisses Stiles slowly on the back of his neck, sending shivers through his body.

“What? I have nothing to say”, but Derek raises an eyebrow and Stiles knows that he can’t be silent any longer.

“I want to go back to Beacon Hills. For a few months, to write my second book. I can’t write it in New York” e blurts out, because he thinks it would be more simple that way. Derek’s face is so surprised that it would be funny if Stiles wasn’t so scared of his answer.

“Do you want me to go back with you?” Derek asks, a little hesitant. They both know that is a rhetorical question because of course Stiles wants Derek to come with him. He has to control himself and not go to the gym everyday just to see Derek, so how could he possibly survive _months_ without him? But he just nods at the question and waits for Derek to talk.

“Boyd’s family will be there. And Erica, too. I don’t know if I can do it” Derek says, not looking at Stiles because he’s so ashamed of himself. It’s been four years and he’s still not able to face his demons. “And what about Scott? I’m sure he hates me”

“He doesn’t hate you” says Stiles “In fact, no one hates you in Beacon Hills. They were just worried about you because, you know, four years are a long time but, ehy! If you came back you can actually talk to Scott or Erica or...”

“Or Boyd’s family” says Derek.

“Yes” says Stiles “Listen, I won’t force you to go back with me. Actually, I’m not even sure I’m going back if you don’t came with me. But, Derek, just think about Isaac. Did he blame you, when you met him?”

Derek shakes his head. “No, he seemed actually happy to see me. I still wonder why”

“Because he missed you! He missed his alpha, even after four years”

“Maybe you’re right” Derek says “Can I think about it for a few days?”

“Of course” Stiles says, and then he kisses Derek lightly on the lips. Derek moans and he is kissing Stiles back when he finds himself with his back on the couch, Stiles on top of him. Derek smirks because he knows how much Stiles likes to be in control and he has to admit that the boy has became pretty good at sex.

“You’re so hot” says Derek “Are you sure they’re gonna recognize you in Beacon Hills?”

Stiles laughs because he thinks it’s hilarious when Derek talks to him like that. Like Stiles is the most beautiful person he has ever seen. “Well, they haven’t see me in months, but I don’t think my dad will have any problems” says Stiles as he grabs Derek’s cock under his pants. Derek groans and pulls his head back, closing his eyes.

“God, don’t talk about your dad while we’re...you know, while we’re doing this”

“You mean while I’m giving you a blow job? Just remember that my dad has seen us naked once”

“ _Stiles_ ”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry” says Stiles “I’ll just shut up”

The room goes silent and a second later Derek feels Stiles’ mouth wrapping around his cock, warm and wet. He tries to breathe normally but, really, Stiles’ lips are unbelievable. Derek hears Stiles moaning and sucking on his length and he’s so close to coming... how is that even possible?

The last thing Derek sees before he closes his eyes and he allows himself to be vulnerable is a look of worry on Stiles’ face when his eyes flash yellow.

 

***

“I can’t believe you’re coming with me” says Stiles as they make their way through the crowd at the airport “You can’t imagine how happy I am”

Derek smiles and puts his arm around Stiles’ shoulders. “Just promise you’re going to be with me every second. You won’t leave me alone with Scott, and you won’t leave me alone with your dad. Promise” says Derek.

“Promise”

 

***

But Derek should know better. Stiles hasn’t come back to Beacon Hills in months and of course everyone wants to see him. When they arrive at the Stilinki’s house there’s a little crowd outside: Stiles’ dad, Scott, Scott’s mum, Allison, Erica and a bunch of Stiles’ old school mates. But Stiles doesn’t look happy,  he just looks worried for Derek.

“Oh my god, Derek, I’m sorry. I didn’t know my dad was going to throw me a party!”

“It’s okay” says Derek, even if for the first time in his life he feels on the edge of a panic attack “ I...uhm...I’ll just wait here”

“In the car?” asks Stiles “I think they’ve already seen you”

Derek doesn’t have the time to answer because the car’s door opens and Scott literally jumps in, throwing his arm at Derek. “Dude, oh my god! I can’t believe it’s really you! I actually thought Stiles was on drugs when he told me about you being in New York”

“Thanks Scott” says Stiles “It’s good to know you trust me. Now, let my boyfriend breathe”

Scott wiggles his eyebrows at him. “Your boyfriend, uh?”, and  it’s so good to see Derek smile that Stiles says it again “Yeah, my boyfriend”. Derek jumps off the car and smiles at Scott. “It’s good to see you again” he says “I want to talk to you whenever you have time”

Stiles tries to catch their conversation but he’s pulled away from the car by his Dad and Scott’ mum. Five seconds later he’s inside his house with a glass of beer in one hand and the other on Allison’s bump, because Stiles knew she was going to be pregnant. He laughs and smiles and answers all the question that his friends ask and it’s only after an hour that he has the time to look out for Derek, but he’s not in the house. When Stiles looks outside the window he doesn’t believe his eyes. Derek is hugging Erica and, Stiles has to check twice, they’re both crying. They’re still by the car and Derek is patting the girl on her back, trying to calm her down even if he’s wrecked.

Derek sees him and smiles a little, trying to hold back the tears because he doesn’t want to upset Stiles.

Stiles didn’t think he could fall for Derek even harder.

 

***

“Why do your eyes flash yellow?” says Stiles  a month after their return in Beacon Hills. They live in Derek’s old loft now, because Stiles has refused to go back to his father’s house when Derek is there with him, and they’re in bed. It’s a Sunday morning and outside it’ raining , so Stiles thought about taking a break from his writing routine. He’s already halfway through the book so he’s satisfied.

“Because I’m not an Alpha anymore. Not since I left Beacon Hills” says Derek “Now Scott is the Alpha, and I’m happy with that”

“Oh” whispers Stiles “I’m sorry”

“Don’t” says Derek “I... During our four years apart I wasn’t able to shift. I don’t know why and I don’t know if it’s a common thing among werewolf. The first time I shifted after all that time was the night I saw you outside the pub in New York. I was able to control my wolf just thinking about you”

Stiles doesn’t know what to say. So he just kisses Derek full on his lips, climbing on top of him. “I love you so much” Stiles says, and Derek eyes grow so wide that Stiles can’t help but laugh. “What? Why are you surprised?”

“I-I don’t know. It’s still weird to hear you say that. I don’t know if I deserve it”

“Well, it’s my choice to decide if you deserve it or not. And trust me, you totally do”

“I still have to apologize to Boyd’s family” says Derek, not looking at Stiles in the eyes.

“Take your time”

 

***

They have spent two months in Beacon Hills when Derek comes back home crying, again. Stiles is writing an important chapter of his book but he jumps on his feet when he sees Derek’s sad face looking at him from the door.

“I spoke to Boyd’s family” he says.

“Oh god. What did they say? Did they hurt you?” but then he realizes how stupid his question is. _Derek’s a werewolf!_ “Did they offend you? Because if they did I swear-”

“Stiles” Derek stops him “Nothing like that. They were actually really nice to me. They listened to me and smiled and said they understand. They weren’t mad at me. I think I would feel better if they had yelled at me”

“Derek” says Stiles “Do you understand that Boyd’s death it’s not your fault? That’s way his family wasn’t mad at you. You didn’t do anything”

Stiles prepares himself because he knows that Derek is just going to say that it’s all his fault, he should have saved Boyd, he shouldn’t have bitten him in the first place. So he’s surprised when Derek nods and says “Maybe you’re right. I should move on”

And Stiles throws himself at him because he’s so proud of Derek. “You’re so brave” says Stiles and Derek laughs because in the last four years he has described himself with all kinds of adjectives but _brave_ wasn’t definitely one of them. Stiles is the brave one between the two of them. He had the strength to wait for him all those years and he hadn’t stopped hoping.

“I love you” whispers Derek, but Stiles pretends not to hear. “What did you say?” he asks, trying to suppress his laughter.

“I said I love you, dumbass” says Derek.

“I can’t believe you just said it. Say it again”

“No”

“Just this time! Pleeeease”

“No way”

Stiles pouts and steps away from Derek. “ Okay, then. I’ll have a bath, if you want to join me” he says, heading towards the bathroom with a smirk on his lips.

Derek’s doesn’t join him, but when Stiles steps out of the sink he stops in his tracks. On the steam of the mirror Derek has written a huge _I love you,_ followed by a big heart.

Stiles takes a picture before it fades away because he’s totally going to show all his friends how romantic Derek is.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, I'm sorry if I messed up with the American educational system (College lasts four years in America, right?) and if Derek and Stiles always seem to eat pizza and pasta but I really don't eat anything else so I'm not an expert. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
